Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's Friday. Sex?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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