Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
