Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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