Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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