I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
