Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
