remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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