it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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