I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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