So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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