I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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