yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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