You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
