somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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