I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
