one might say we're banned from that church
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When are your genitals available?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
