wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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