I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize