the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
