guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
