On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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