he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
