So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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