Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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