So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
