she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
