Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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