The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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