Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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