I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
