You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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