its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
