You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
