if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
