i can't believe i had my finger in that
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
