My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
