She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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