he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
