Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
