There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I want a musical about memes.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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