Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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