dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
