i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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