Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
