It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
