this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
