dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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