Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
