YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I supernannyed him into submission
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