how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
