I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize