I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
