It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
