"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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