we have pet lesbian snakes
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
