Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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