So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
