I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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