My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
