Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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