Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
