did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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