I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
