You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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