I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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