got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
