He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize