On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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