I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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