Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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