I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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