i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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